Love is not rude

Love is not rude. It does not dishonour others.

We use the word dishonour when one's dignity is disrespected in relationships.

Respecting one's dignity is more than respecting their preference or needs. It is deeper appreciation of who that person is and how valued one is as a person. This concept is especially critical to parent-child relationships because there is imbalance of power, control, and authority. If parents are not careful, it is so much easier to disrespect kids than in any other relationships.

This is not to say we need to cater to every wants and needs of our children and be permissive of whatever they would like. Instead, it means respect the person, how small they are physically or even mentally, because we remember that they are the creation of God as we are. This can lead us to limit our unfair restraints, impulsive emotional outbursts, or unrealistic micromanaging.

Frequently, disrespect can be manifested in a subtle way and easily overlooked. It can be one comment or small gestures but it represents something bigger; dismissing effort, not trusting even with legitimate evidence, attempting to control every choice, trying to influence decisions, projecting own emotions, not honouring requests without good reason, unfair judgment in past choices, harsh punishment that instills helplessness, not trying to understand who they are but to give them ideas of what we want them to be. The list goes on and these are the things we parents do sometimes unintentionally but other times without shame.

It is not always easy to remember this. The aim is not to be perfect parents but to show them and God how serious we take His words and how hard we try to give them the love they deserve.